More than 3,700 people have been classified as ‘Terminally Stupid’ in Alberta alone. These people routinely vote conservative, watch ‘CSI’ or buy Bose Hi-Fi equipment. But thanks to a radical surgical technique being pioneered by Dr Ablepsia Smallpox, the Organ Donation and Transplant Association of Canada is now able to offer these people a second chance.
It is common knowledge that the average individual only uses 10% of his brain and obviously the figure for women is considerably less. The operation takes advantage of a small proportion of this excess brain matter, extracting it from the donor by a vacuum tube inserted into the nostril. The brain matter is then processed using an array of very impressive looking scientific equipment, and injected into the thoracic region of the spine.
Early recipients have shown promising results, their conservative voting behaviour being down as much as 35%. Critics of Dr Smallpox have attributed this to there not actually having been an election, but he defends his work. “It’s not just the voting behaviour that has improved, apart from the uncontrollable drooling and total loss of motor function my patients are showing every sign of improvement. Not one of them has tried to buy a single piece of Bose Hi-Fi equipment, or do anything else that might be considered indicative of low intelligence.”
