Ah, black people. They’re amazing. They’re better than us at everything. Better athletes, better comedians, better musicians, better rappers, better fashion sense and now… More evolved! Just when us white dudes thought the race race might still be in reach, black guys hit the nitrous button and blasted off, out of sight.
The picture above: That’s Jerome Jackson of Three Mile Estates in Tallahassee. Jerome was born with a dope baseball cap for hair. Thats right, It seems black people have begun to climb up one more evolutionary step and are now being born with biological “fly gear.”
Jerome was born in 1983, and he is the earliest known example of what scientists are calling the “Bio-Crunk.” However, Jerome is by no means the only case. Just last week in Oakland’s San Mademas hospital an African American boy was born with malformed feet that could only be described by his father as “super fresh kicks.” And days later in Kentucky, a completely new sub category was created as a three year old boy was found to have been born with huge diamond earrings. This boy represents the first example of “Bio-Bling.”
So, what does this mean for the rest of us? This reporter is hoping some of the “nerdier” races start evolving as well. Maybe Asian baby’s born with calculator wrists, or Indian baby’s born with cash registers. German baby’s would definitely benefit from being born with socks and sandals, a fashion staple of german culture. Personally speaking, as a white male, I would be thrilled if my first born was equipped with canvas shoes, and a Cub Monaco sweater. Sharp, he would look really sharp. Or maybe a bow tie, and a spider man backpack.
With no examples yet discovered of any other races evolving, it looks like once again black dudes are way ahead. Seriously, golf and hockey people. What did we expect? Golf, and then hockey. It’s all we had.
May 19th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
This is one of the funniest things I have ever read and seen!
Awesome! bio-bling!