Apparently lasers have many uses. Hair re-growth, hair removal, scar removal, tattoo removal, eye surgery, pointing at presentations, annoying high school teachers and many other lame, useless procedures. That’s right. All this shit is lame. Is it just me or do some of you out there find yourselves asking the same thing? “When are they just gonna fucking kill some dudes?”
For years before we had the technology to realize the laser, it existed only in science fiction. However, in science fiction, it existed only as a FUCKING GUN! Do you remember Han Solo or GI Joe curing their baldness or removing some old ex-girlfriends name from their arm? No, they were fucking killing bad guys!
Watching that shit got us all so pumped: “Man I can’t wait, the laser’s gonna kick some ass!” What are we doing? There are evil doers out there prancing around, fancy free, eating cotton candy and drinking tea, and the greatest potential weapon of the twenty first century is helping bald guys get laid.
Are we the first generation to be teased and tortured like this? Was it like this with gun powder?
“Alright everyone, we’ve done it. It’s taken us a long time, but we finally have it. Gun powder. We know what you’re all thinking….. MAKEOVERS! This new gun powder is a great exfoliant. It really livens up the skin. It’s also an excellent foot powder. Gather round all, clean faces and feet await. Umm, how about we make some bullets? Anyone? Bullets? No?”
All I want is a little destruction. A laser beam that can destroy a plane or vast armies equipped with laser canons, wiping out alien scum. Until then, I guess us carnage craving folk will have to settle for our enemies getting mild irritation of the bikini area. Yeah, that much we can do. Dammit.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Are you a chargin’ yer lazur? SHOOP DA WOOP!